It is incredible how my scope always involves getting back to Tanzania. When I got on the plane to come back to America I couldn't believe it was happening. I felt my heart beat quickly and my mind seemed to try to catch up to my body - I honestly couldn't think of life if it wasn't in Moshi.
The night before I left I slept in my room alone. This was the most strange feeling. I had a hard time sleeping and i laid in bed trying to wrap my head around the idea of not sleeping in that bed the next night. I looked at the empty beds around me, at the items my former roommates had left and my bags sitting stoically in the corner and I felt my heart slowly begin to sink. This was really it.
I had gone to school and back to the orphanage earlier that day, and when i got there I painted and just sat and held the kids in my arms while wishing that they will be safe and taken care of, that they will be loved everyday, even if it is not by me. i had finished packing and felt the emptiness of the Home Base and tried to see everyone before I had to get in the car and go.
On the first plane I got to sit with Steven and Courtney for a little while, which really helped me stay put together and kept my mind occupied. Once i went back to my original seat far behind them, however, the tears started to flow. The flight consisted of me crying, feeling somewhat lost and sleeping. The rest of my flying experience involved me trying to say hi to a lot of people, speaking Swahili constantly and me trying to gravitate toward people who looked like they were from Africa because i wanted to be by someone who understood me (I really just wanted to turn around). And of course, all of this was met with awkward responses and strange looks.
When i finally arrived home I was anxious. I couldn't wait to give my mom a hug, but I was nervous to enter my house and not feel my grandma's presence there. When my mom came and hugged me I was a little bit overwhelmed, I was so happy to see her but also still a little bit lost. I still didn't understand that I was all the way back in Salt Lake City. We got to my house and I unpacked and doled out the presents I had for my family and for Casey and showed them a lot of the cool things I had brought back. I also just talked on and on about Africa - in SwaEnglish no less. When it reached 1:30 a.m. or so we decided to go to bed, but I was wide awake. The nine hour difference made me awake and ready to go out - it was nighttime in TZ. Instead of sleeping i decided to unpack and put things away. This indadvertedly led me to my closet - which upon seeing I began to cry. I immediately found a huge box and began to throw clothes into it. After a couple of hours of cleaning out my entire room of things i deemed wholly unnecessary I fell asleep on top of my bed.
The next few days were a blur of strange feelings while trying to adjust to life in America, a nine hour time difference and life without my grandma. I would love to say these things were smooth and easy, but for honesty's sake, they definitely weren't. My grandma's funeral was held two days after my return home, and i sang and read for my family in the ceremony. I am so glad that I was able to give honor and tribute to my family's rock - it was wonderful to be there and to think about what a beautiful person my grandma was.
Since her funeral I have grown a lot. I have been trying to reconcile my experience with my life here. While sometimes I still cry and have a moment (like crying at the grocery store and feeling very overwhelmed), I still find myself taking my experience and having it give life to my day to day motions. I have been able to express so much love and support for my mom during this time of grief for my family, to help those who need it without thinking twice, I love more fully and I think more deeply. I perceive everything much differently now - I feel as though I have a better understanding of what matters and I actually ACT on it.
I cannot thank everyone enough for the love and support I have been given. The amount of excitement and love I have received since being home is overwhelming. I think about how many things the people in Africa taught me and I know they gave me so much more than what I alone could offer them. They have changed my life and continue to do so. I know I will get back there because my heart is still there, growing and beating steadily. I cannot wait to be there again, to love those kids even more fully and to learn everyday how to be a more real and genuine human being. I hope that my future trips to TZ can also bring life and beauty to those around me - to my family and friends :).
Maisha marefu, daima upendo.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Mt. Kilimanjaro.
In trying to explain what this experience was like I have found that I just end up talking about the different days and then wanting to laugh about all of the funny moments on the mountain that no one I am talking to would understand. This ends up with me just saying, "it was amazing and life-changing, I cried when I saw the sign at the top, the surroundings were different everyday and it left me with so many funny and fantastic memories."
For the sake of posterity, I will try to elaborate.
It was life-changing: climbing gave me the ability to really think and be inside my own head for awhile. After having my grandma pass away and then facing the reality of having to leave Africa soon after the climb I had a lot to think about. I was given a chance to really reflect on my time in Africa, my kids, the women I helped teach, my co-volunteers and who I was in relation to the world I now understood.
I cried when I saw the sign at the top; After 5 days of climbing and thinking about the summit, and then 7 hours of climbing up to Stella in the night while it was freezing cold and then 45 minutes to Uhuru we made it to the summit!! The feeling I felt was a mixture of joy, relief and excitement. I looked back at Becca with tears welling in my eyes because after experiencing and living through so many things we had finally conquered the 4th tallest mountain in the world!
memories: I have found that while some things that happened on the mountain were just reality at the time, now they are precious and funny memories. I feel that everything that happened was so wonderful and i know that it was a once in a lifetime experience because I had Becca, Kayla and Rachel with me, and our guides and the way everything happened was something i can re-live in my memory for years to come. Everything about it was wonderful, even if it wasn't wonderful at the time (even the scary spiders and being absolutely freezing and having to pee every 5 seconds due to the diamox).
While on Kili I learned that I can do so many things if I just set my mind to them. I am not saying that I wasn't aware of this before, but I was definitely putting this into action while climbing. I remember on summit day I just relied on the image of Becca's feet ahead of me. If I just kept following her feet i would be fine. Here I must note that I was a little bit out of it due to the altitude, so my thoughts were a little strange at times. I also remember telling myself that climbing was all mental - my body could do it, I just had to believe i could and I had come all that way, of course I could summit. And...I did :). I am so grateful for the people with me, for our guides and porters and our amazing cook David and for my family and friends for being so excited and supportive of my climbing experience.
When i think about Kili i feel so happy and full of life. It is another thing that pulls me immediately back to the true happiness I felt in Africa and my desire to be back there grows strong.
Monday, July 18, 2011
.getting ready for the rooftop/ Lake Chala.
Okay,
I won't pretend that I am completely prepared to climb mount Kilimanjaro. I also have to admit that along with sadness, the prospect of leaving Africa next week makes my heart palpitate a little too quickly. I am so nervous to return home. I know that I'll be the girl having the freak out in the grocery store and dreaming endlessly of my kids' hands in mine and their precious voices. I also know that there are so many things left to do before I go. Since I decided to "adopt" this new orphanage Bahati, I must start preparing ways to fundraise and support it while at home. I have to plan for school and rush, finish profiles and a proposal and try to get everything packed and ready to go! So, planning/exercising for the mountain has been pushed to the side a tid bit.
On the other hand, however, I need to be home for a lot of reasons. I need to see my family, I need to physically be with them and give them the love that I was infused with while in Africa. I need to be the changed and hopeful for change me while in America, too. I need to see my grandma and give her a lot of good busus! I hear news about my friends and I know that seeing them will be wonderful. I have never been more of a fb stalker until now - I will repeatedly comb through albums to glean a much as I can out of them in a small effort to be closer. I will also return home knowing that I am coming back. I am currently set for next summer and I know I can get it done :), so it's not kwaheri, just tutaonana baadaye.
So...back to getting ready for Kili. See? I'm putting off even in my blog. I feel as though the experience will be both the hardest and one of the best things I've ever done. I am so happy that Becca, Rachel and Kayla are climbing with me. They are truly an amazing group of girls, and I am so blessed to have them with me! We will have a great time. I just feel that culminating my experience by being on the rooftop of Africa will be, for lack of a better word...incredible. So...we will see, eh? (If you're reading this Amanda, that "eh" is for you).
Anyway,
I never talked about Lake Chala in my posts!! I went to Lake Chala two weekends ago and it was truly one of the best weekends I've had in Africa (which is really saying something!).
Attendees: Chris, Erick, Paul, Katyann, Becca, Rachel, Dana, Kayla and myself!
Location: around 1 & 1/2 hour outside of Moshi, Lake Chala
Accomodation: a bad-a giant tent (don't worry, it was pink and teal and had little "windows")
Transportation: Erick's car
Food: Grocery store buys, food we ordered there.
Main Activities: Walking safaris, tembo trekking, swimming and canoeing in the lake, almost getting charged twice, going to Kenya, getting demolished by thorns, hanging out/getting steam rolled in the tent, sitting and singing by a fire pit.
I wish I could really just take everyone I know there so they can experience it for themselves, but I will try to give it justice here. The lake is surrounded by hiking area/cliffs and it is quite big. 1/3rd of it crosses into Kenya, but you can see the entire lake when you stand high on the cliffs. The area is also home to many elephants (which basically means I should move there).
When we first arrived we put our stuff into our tent and hurried to see the lake. The campsite has nice bathrooms, a kitchen, a bar and fire pit area, places for people to bring their own tents, a tented area and a dining area. The gardens are well taken care of, and it is very clean and nice! The bathrooms are all mzungu toilets and nice (actually warm) showers. The lakeside is a fifteen minute walk away from the campsite, however, they are currently building a new dining hall area on the lakeside. So, next year when I return it might be finished!
At the lakeside Chris and Paul tried to throw things into the water. Unfortunately, due to our height and the copious amounts of monkey-infested trees below they couldn't get their stones into the lake. We then went back to the campsite and got settled before we walked to the bar. While the sun was setting we sat outside and contemplated our food options. We listened to great music (Dave, Jack Johnson, Dispatch...a good shift from our usual African music!) and just spent time together and were...really...happy. It was like taking a good breath of fresh air. That night we ate a delicious meal and sat by the fire with our music. When we got back to the tent we had some fun times with Katyann steam-rolling Becca to the ground (you know, mature stuff) and then Chris, Katyann and I decided to go tembo hunting. I borrowed Kayla's headlamp and we set off to find ourselves a tembo. Now, before you go judging me because it was pitch black and potentially dangerous - just remember that elephants are the freaking best.
So, this adventure got exciting when I saw movement in the brush. We shone our lights and low and behold we saw a blink of red - an eye. After this Chris started walking in serious pursuit of our potential friend while Katyann and I tried to convince him otherwise. Then, we heard a freaky growl and a bunch of yelling in the distance that we could of sworn was yelling "Help me!". Needless to say, that scared us back to camp.
The next day we woke up for the sunrise - orange, big and bright over the Acacia trees and amidst the small clouds. It was truly incredible and it reminded me of the moon rise I saw on safari. There is nothing like the sun rising in Africa. After our nutella, bread and cereal breakfast we followed a guide off into the area by the campsite. He had a machete and a rock....pretty fitting for our non-english speaking guide eh? We began to walk and then before we knew it there were elephants!! There was a family in the distance and it was so incredible to actually BE there and see them outside of a safari car. Then, as we walked in the opposite direction we nearly ran into another big elephant!! It looked straight at us and flared its ears. This made us excited until our guide chucked a rock at it and yelled for us to run. Good thing he was there to recognize it was about to charge...otherwise I think we definitely would have stayed admiring its stature and beauty!
After this exhilarating experience we began our walk to the lake. This was not only long, it was thorny. I honestly have never seen that many thorns, burs and cacti in one area in my entire life. Our good old guide was walking at normal speed with his machete just hacking down things in his way and powering through the land that honestly seemed to resist human existence with every inch. The trees, the bushes and the grasses had thorns, the cacti seemed to enjoy their place either within or next to these thorn bushes and the burs seemed to have no problem with sticking to you and clinging for dear life. We had to stop multiple times for literal catch-ups. My headband was taken off by a thorn tree, as was Chris' hat. The worst of it ended on Kayla's pants, which we had to end up picking at for a significant amount of time after the lake visit ended. However, while walking through this difficult terrain we passed into Kenya. (Okay, it was illegally and we were only in Kenya for a minute). Because the lake crosses into Kenya the land surrounding it contains the border! We walked into Kenya for a moment and Paul got a chance to leave Tanzania!! It was so amazing to see his smile (during the entire weekend, but at this point in particular). He made the weekend so much of what it was :). When we got back into TZ we walked up a hill and you could physically see the border - it was kichizi! Once we got to the lakeside the area became rocky and cool and, believe it or not, thornless. It reminded me a lot of being close to Flathead Lake in Montana.
Once we got to the water we all stripped to our swimsuits and jumped on in!! The water was cool, and incredibly beautiful. It was both very blue and very clear. We swam to feel the sun on our faces and took some good pictures on a large tree/log that was in the water. We also ended up taking a canoe further out into the lake and I just sang while we rowed serenely out onto the water. The surrounding area looked so different from here, it was as though we were within a little natural fishbowl- we were inhabiting our own little spot of the world. After the canoeing we walked back - a walk that proved to be much easier than our trek earlier in the day. We finished the night power-less and sharing the camp with around 20 new people. We ate and hung out and ended up playing funny games in the tent.
The next day was unbelievable. We walked to a watering hole that the elephants of the area frequently use, and then we went out to a large crater. After the crater we began to walk again and we saw a whole herd of elephants! I nearly had a heart attack and we walked and got very close to them so that we could hear and see them throwing dust and also see their immense size. While there we heard a large elephant give out a trumpet - which sounded initially like a deep lion-like growl and then a horn-like sound. It was so loud and it gave us a start! We quickly went the opposite way and got to higher ground. From above we could see that our pack of elephants was actually a GIGANTIC herd of over 60!! We watched them for awhile until we saw four or five start walking and we followed their path from above. This landed us right above a mud/watering hole that contained ten or fifteen elephants throwing mud on their backs and stomping in it! We ended up watching the entire 60+ group (including teeny tiny mtotos and kubwa sana adults) walking in lines, throwing dust and mud bathing in turns. It was ...amazing! There isn't even a word for it. I said I could die then, I could just die happy. We sat and watched these elephants for a long time, until they all ran back away from us because some idiot honked his motorcycle horn at them and scared them away. Ugh, civilization haha. i still can't believe I witnessed that. I kissed my elephant necklace and held it out to the wind throughout the weekend, so that must have helped, right? Haha, just kidding, but truly it was a moment that will be ingrained in my mind forever.
After this elephant trek we went back to the campsite and got ready to go home. The ride home was really wonderful too. We listened to good music and I just sat and reflected on myself, on Africa and on the way fate as weaved its way into the facets of my life and created a masterpiece. More than ever I have felt that things happen for a reason. Each conversation I have been having, the people I am meeting, the things I have experienced and will continue to experience...they all were supposed to happen. We all just felt at peace and I could feel the love just flowing through the van...haha, but really.
Since then...
We danced onstage with the rappers at the Serengeti Fiesta!! (Yes me, totally crazy!) We had to say goodbyes to Tyler, Chris and Abby and I have had amazing connections with some of the new volunteers. I miss so many people now, and I am so grateful for the way they have shaped me it is getting overwhelming. While crying on the way to school this morning I thought, how is it that I am living this life? I truly can't believe it. I am so so blessed, and just because it happened that way. Anyway, it is quite late here in Moshi, and I have to get up and do a lot of work tomorrow (well, today)!!
Ninakupenda sana, amani kila siku na lala salama (or siku njema for those in the US).
I won't pretend that I am completely prepared to climb mount Kilimanjaro. I also have to admit that along with sadness, the prospect of leaving Africa next week makes my heart palpitate a little too quickly. I am so nervous to return home. I know that I'll be the girl having the freak out in the grocery store and dreaming endlessly of my kids' hands in mine and their precious voices. I also know that there are so many things left to do before I go. Since I decided to "adopt" this new orphanage Bahati, I must start preparing ways to fundraise and support it while at home. I have to plan for school and rush, finish profiles and a proposal and try to get everything packed and ready to go! So, planning/exercising for the mountain has been pushed to the side a tid bit.
On the other hand, however, I need to be home for a lot of reasons. I need to see my family, I need to physically be with them and give them the love that I was infused with while in Africa. I need to be the changed and hopeful for change me while in America, too. I need to see my grandma and give her a lot of good busus! I hear news about my friends and I know that seeing them will be wonderful. I have never been more of a fb stalker until now - I will repeatedly comb through albums to glean a much as I can out of them in a small effort to be closer. I will also return home knowing that I am coming back. I am currently set for next summer and I know I can get it done :), so it's not kwaheri, just tutaonana baadaye.
So...back to getting ready for Kili. See? I'm putting off even in my blog. I feel as though the experience will be both the hardest and one of the best things I've ever done. I am so happy that Becca, Rachel and Kayla are climbing with me. They are truly an amazing group of girls, and I am so blessed to have them with me! We will have a great time. I just feel that culminating my experience by being on the rooftop of Africa will be, for lack of a better word...incredible. So...we will see, eh? (If you're reading this Amanda, that "eh" is for you).
Anyway,
I never talked about Lake Chala in my posts!! I went to Lake Chala two weekends ago and it was truly one of the best weekends I've had in Africa (which is really saying something!).
Attendees: Chris, Erick, Paul, Katyann, Becca, Rachel, Dana, Kayla and myself!
Location: around 1 & 1/2 hour outside of Moshi, Lake Chala
Accomodation: a bad-a giant tent (don't worry, it was pink and teal and had little "windows")
Transportation: Erick's car
Food: Grocery store buys, food we ordered there.
Main Activities: Walking safaris, tembo trekking, swimming and canoeing in the lake, almost getting charged twice, going to Kenya, getting demolished by thorns, hanging out/getting steam rolled in the tent, sitting and singing by a fire pit.
I wish I could really just take everyone I know there so they can experience it for themselves, but I will try to give it justice here. The lake is surrounded by hiking area/cliffs and it is quite big. 1/3rd of it crosses into Kenya, but you can see the entire lake when you stand high on the cliffs. The area is also home to many elephants (which basically means I should move there).
When we first arrived we put our stuff into our tent and hurried to see the lake. The campsite has nice bathrooms, a kitchen, a bar and fire pit area, places for people to bring their own tents, a tented area and a dining area. The gardens are well taken care of, and it is very clean and nice! The bathrooms are all mzungu toilets and nice (actually warm) showers. The lakeside is a fifteen minute walk away from the campsite, however, they are currently building a new dining hall area on the lakeside. So, next year when I return it might be finished!
At the lakeside Chris and Paul tried to throw things into the water. Unfortunately, due to our height and the copious amounts of monkey-infested trees below they couldn't get their stones into the lake. We then went back to the campsite and got settled before we walked to the bar. While the sun was setting we sat outside and contemplated our food options. We listened to great music (Dave, Jack Johnson, Dispatch...a good shift from our usual African music!) and just spent time together and were...really...happy. It was like taking a good breath of fresh air. That night we ate a delicious meal and sat by the fire with our music. When we got back to the tent we had some fun times with Katyann steam-rolling Becca to the ground (you know, mature stuff) and then Chris, Katyann and I decided to go tembo hunting. I borrowed Kayla's headlamp and we set off to find ourselves a tembo. Now, before you go judging me because it was pitch black and potentially dangerous - just remember that elephants are the freaking best.
So, this adventure got exciting when I saw movement in the brush. We shone our lights and low and behold we saw a blink of red - an eye. After this Chris started walking in serious pursuit of our potential friend while Katyann and I tried to convince him otherwise. Then, we heard a freaky growl and a bunch of yelling in the distance that we could of sworn was yelling "Help me!". Needless to say, that scared us back to camp.
The next day we woke up for the sunrise - orange, big and bright over the Acacia trees and amidst the small clouds. It was truly incredible and it reminded me of the moon rise I saw on safari. There is nothing like the sun rising in Africa. After our nutella, bread and cereal breakfast we followed a guide off into the area by the campsite. He had a machete and a rock....pretty fitting for our non-english speaking guide eh? We began to walk and then before we knew it there were elephants!! There was a family in the distance and it was so incredible to actually BE there and see them outside of a safari car. Then, as we walked in the opposite direction we nearly ran into another big elephant!! It looked straight at us and flared its ears. This made us excited until our guide chucked a rock at it and yelled for us to run. Good thing he was there to recognize it was about to charge...otherwise I think we definitely would have stayed admiring its stature and beauty!
After this exhilarating experience we began our walk to the lake. This was not only long, it was thorny. I honestly have never seen that many thorns, burs and cacti in one area in my entire life. Our good old guide was walking at normal speed with his machete just hacking down things in his way and powering through the land that honestly seemed to resist human existence with every inch. The trees, the bushes and the grasses had thorns, the cacti seemed to enjoy their place either within or next to these thorn bushes and the burs seemed to have no problem with sticking to you and clinging for dear life. We had to stop multiple times for literal catch-ups. My headband was taken off by a thorn tree, as was Chris' hat. The worst of it ended on Kayla's pants, which we had to end up picking at for a significant amount of time after the lake visit ended. However, while walking through this difficult terrain we passed into Kenya. (Okay, it was illegally and we were only in Kenya for a minute). Because the lake crosses into Kenya the land surrounding it contains the border! We walked into Kenya for a moment and Paul got a chance to leave Tanzania!! It was so amazing to see his smile (during the entire weekend, but at this point in particular). He made the weekend so much of what it was :). When we got back into TZ we walked up a hill and you could physically see the border - it was kichizi! Once we got to the lakeside the area became rocky and cool and, believe it or not, thornless. It reminded me a lot of being close to Flathead Lake in Montana.
Once we got to the water we all stripped to our swimsuits and jumped on in!! The water was cool, and incredibly beautiful. It was both very blue and very clear. We swam to feel the sun on our faces and took some good pictures on a large tree/log that was in the water. We also ended up taking a canoe further out into the lake and I just sang while we rowed serenely out onto the water. The surrounding area looked so different from here, it was as though we were within a little natural fishbowl- we were inhabiting our own little spot of the world. After the canoeing we walked back - a walk that proved to be much easier than our trek earlier in the day. We finished the night power-less and sharing the camp with around 20 new people. We ate and hung out and ended up playing funny games in the tent.
The next day was unbelievable. We walked to a watering hole that the elephants of the area frequently use, and then we went out to a large crater. After the crater we began to walk again and we saw a whole herd of elephants! I nearly had a heart attack and we walked and got very close to them so that we could hear and see them throwing dust and also see their immense size. While there we heard a large elephant give out a trumpet - which sounded initially like a deep lion-like growl and then a horn-like sound. It was so loud and it gave us a start! We quickly went the opposite way and got to higher ground. From above we could see that our pack of elephants was actually a GIGANTIC herd of over 60!! We watched them for awhile until we saw four or five start walking and we followed their path from above. This landed us right above a mud/watering hole that contained ten or fifteen elephants throwing mud on their backs and stomping in it! We ended up watching the entire 60+ group (including teeny tiny mtotos and kubwa sana adults) walking in lines, throwing dust and mud bathing in turns. It was ...amazing! There isn't even a word for it. I said I could die then, I could just die happy. We sat and watched these elephants for a long time, until they all ran back away from us because some idiot honked his motorcycle horn at them and scared them away. Ugh, civilization haha. i still can't believe I witnessed that. I kissed my elephant necklace and held it out to the wind throughout the weekend, so that must have helped, right? Haha, just kidding, but truly it was a moment that will be ingrained in my mind forever.
After this elephant trek we went back to the campsite and got ready to go home. The ride home was really wonderful too. We listened to good music and I just sat and reflected on myself, on Africa and on the way fate as weaved its way into the facets of my life and created a masterpiece. More than ever I have felt that things happen for a reason. Each conversation I have been having, the people I am meeting, the things I have experienced and will continue to experience...they all were supposed to happen. We all just felt at peace and I could feel the love just flowing through the van...haha, but really.
Since then...
We danced onstage with the rappers at the Serengeti Fiesta!! (Yes me, totally crazy!) We had to say goodbyes to Tyler, Chris and Abby and I have had amazing connections with some of the new volunteers. I miss so many people now, and I am so grateful for the way they have shaped me it is getting overwhelming. While crying on the way to school this morning I thought, how is it that I am living this life? I truly can't believe it. I am so so blessed, and just because it happened that way. Anyway, it is quite late here in Moshi, and I have to get up and do a lot of work tomorrow (well, today)!!
Ninakupenda sana, amani kila siku na lala salama (or siku njema for those in the US).
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